Continued from yesterday's post of Holy Grail projects I'd love to see...
"The
Pillowman" - Martin McDonagh's 2003 play about a writer of horrific
children's stories standing accused of murder, quietly captured my
imagination when it came to Broadway, and never really let go. The
black, black humor, the fascinating exploration of storytelling, and the
twisted original fairy tales really appealed to me. Because of the
extreme nature of the material, this would be a hard sell as a film, but
it wouldn't be a particularly costly project. Most of the action takes
place in a single room, and there are a lot of options for dramatizing
the protagonist's stories. I'd like to see some independent animators
like the Brothers Quay or Michel Ocelot involved, though that would mean
a much more complicated and lengthy production.
McDonagh
has become a writer/director of feature films in recent years,
responsible for "In Bruges" and "Seven Psychopaths." Unfortunately,
he's expressly ruled out revisiting his older work, preferring to create
new stories for his movies. However, he's stated no opinion on others
taking a crack at his back catalogue. I can think of several directors
who would be able to balance "The Pillowman's" acts of graphic violence
with its childish whimsy and creepy jaunts into the fantastic. The play
veers close enough to horror that the goremeisters might be interested
in putting something together, but at the same time it's probably far
too talky and cerebral to appeal to the usual genre fans. I suspect
that "The Pillowman" would never work onscreen as well as it does on the
stage. But I'd still love to see somebody try.
Snow
Crash - Of the cyberpunk classics that have yet to be adapted, I think
that "Snow Crash" is one of the biggest long shots because of its
sprawling, freewheeling story and difficult core concepts. Still, pizza
delivery badass Hiro Protagonist is far too magnificent a character to
never reach mass audiences in some form, and the novel's satire just
gets closer and closer to reality every day as the internet continues to
take over our lives. I've dreamed of seeing the opening pizza delivery
sequence fully dramatized, along with the full glory of the Metaverse
and the franchise-dominated shopping mall of a world that the characters
inhabit. I have no idea what it would look like - but Terry Gilliam or
Luc Besson or someody out there does. And I really want to see it.
Vincenzo
Natali, of "Cube" fame, has been leading the charge to adapt "Snow
Crash," "Neuromancer," and other science-fiction favorites, but has run
into no shortage of pitfalls. He's convinced that "Snow Crash" can only
be done as a series rather than a film, and he's probably right.
However, I don't see the "Snow Crash" universe being done justice on a
TV budget. In addition to all the usual dystopian spectacle, a lot of
the fun of the book is in the wild, almost cartoonish level of action.
This is also a rare science-fiction property with a black hero
(technically half-black and half-Korean Hiro), and it would be a
monumental shame for a role like this not to be given the highest
visibility possible. I'm convinced there are the pieces of great movie
here somewhere, though it may take a genius to get them all to fit.
Paradise
Lost - The idea of the epic struggle between God and the Devil playing
out on biggest celestial canvas that Hollywood can provide holds plenty
of appeal for me, but I can't quite wrap my head around it actually
happening. Yet, more than one director has already tried to make this a
reality, the latest being Alex Proyas in 2011, who actually got to the
casting stage before the plug was pulled. The concept art looked pretty
keen. I have a fascination with depictions of Old Testament Christian
mythology, which can be fertile ground for weird and wonderful
spectacle, like Darren Aronofsky's "Noah." "Paradise Lost" offers that
in abundance. Angels and demons, heaven and hell - and of course one of
the greatest literary characters of all time at the forefront: Milton's
Lucifer.
The trouble is, of course, that whenever
you have any kind of media based on the Bible, the politics of
the Christian faith inevitably get in the way of the art. It often
feels like there's no room for anything in mainstream film except the
safest, blandest, and most insular Christian pablum. Milton's poem is
old enough and revered enough that a straight adaptation probably
wouldn't kick up too much controversy, but there's still a risk
involved. And a big Hollywood film dramatizing war in the heavens would
already require a significant financial commitment. The potential
returns are also huge, which is why Proyas's project got as far along as
it did, but I can certainly understand why the people in charge balked
when they did. The subject matter is still a tempting one, and there's
still a good possibility this could happen one day.
Domu
- This one came across my radar about fifteen years ago, through AICN.
"Domu" is a Japanese graphic novel written by Katsuhiro Otomo, best
know for "Akira," about a psychic old man who terrorizes the inhabitants
of a massive apartment complex. And frankly, "Domu" is a much better
candidate for a film adaptation that "Akira." The concepts are simpler,
the characters more universal, and the potential for jawdropping
spectacle is about on par. I especially enjoy the villain, a senile old
codger who is childishly vindictive, but escapes notice because of his
age and stature. It would also be very easy to transplant the story
from a Japanese setting to a Western one. Similar films like "Dark
City," "Chronicle," and "Looper" have all been well-received here.
Guillermo
Del Toro had his eye on turning "Domu" into a feature fifteen years
ago, but ran into trouble when trying to acquire the rights. Katsuhiro
Otomo himself is reportedly working on a version, and there were reports
of test-footage being shown to investors back in 2013. Alas, no news
on the project has surfaced since. I'm iffy on Otomo directing this
himself, since his live-action work hasn't been nearly as good as his
animated films, but on the other hand nobody knows the material better.
Frankly, there are a lot of directors who could do "Domu" justice, and
in the age of CGI-aided disaster porn there's no better time for the
manga to be adapted. I think this has a very good chance of reaching
the big screen eventually, once a few hurdles are properly cleared.
Repent,
Harlequin! - "1984" -esque dystopian stories have gone out of style,
replaced by the more audience-friendly fables of adolescent rebellion
like "Hunger Games" and its imitators. Nearly all of the famous ones
like "Brave New World" and "Harrison Bergeron" have been adapted in one
form or another anyway. One exception, however, is "'Repent Harlequin!'
Said the Ticktockman," Harlan Ellison's short story about a glum future
society obsessed with everything running on time. The hero, the
Harlequin, is considered terribly dangerous for causing disruptions to
the schedule with silly pranks. I've wanted to see his jellybean
operation brought to life in some form since I first read the story in
high school. "Jelly for God's sake beans!"
There
has always been one significant barrier to any kind of adaptation, and
his name is Harlan Ellison. The notoriously litigious Ellison is
fiercely protective of his work, knows how to hold a grudge, and his ire
is a mighty thing to behold. He was ready to go after the Andrew
Niccol film "In Time" a few years ago for having superficial
similarities to "Repent Harlequin!" before he even saw the picture. He
has been involved in some notable science-fiction media, though, like
"Star Trek," "The New Twilight Zone" and "Babylon 5," on his own strict
terms. And last year, after decades of saying no to everybody, he
granted "Babylon 5" creator J. Michael Straczynski the rights to "Repent
Harlequin!" out of the blue, which is a huge step toward a film or TV
version being made someday. Probably not for a long while yet, but
someday.
"Creature Tech" - Here's another one
from AICN. Back in 2008, Drew McWeeny posted a gushing review of Doug
TenNapel's "Creature Tech" graphic novel, about a scientist who finds
himself bonded to an alien symbiote, and struggles with questions of
faith, identity, and his place in the universe. I went out and bought
the book on the strength of that review and loved it. This would
absolutely make for a great live action science-fiction comedy in the
same vein as "Men in Black" or "Guardians of the Galaxy." FOX
apparently acquired the rights some time ago. However, "Creature Tech"
has some tricky material, particularly the hero's crisis of faith. I
love the thoughtful conservative Christian voice that TenNapel brings to
his work - and yes, I know about his homophobic side. I'm still
struggling with that, but at the same time his talent is undeniable.
Whether
his work is palatable to the mainstream, however, is another matter.
Faith-based films and splashy genre blockbusters have mostly been
cordoned off into their own spaces, with the exception of a few
old-fashioned Bible epics rolled out around the holidays. "Creature
Tech" is definitely not one of these. It's a high energy action movie
romp full of cartoony aliens, silly situations, and nerdy, nerdy
dialogue. More importantly, it has a big heart and a sense of wonder
that I more commonly associate with PIXAR films. And it's unabashedly
Christian, using religious concepts and imagery in ways that would
probably make some people, both believers and non-believers, a little
uncomfortable. Not a big problem if this were an indie project, but
"Creature Tech" is a property that needs a big budget to adapt
properly. It's probably better if it just remains a weird, wonderful
comic.
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