It's the beginning of the year and things are looking up. The strikes are far enough in the past that the shortfall in new media is pretty much resolved, and there are a lot more big titles on the way to keep the theater owners happy. However, as with every year, glancing over the slate reveals certain titles I will be happily avoiding.
Please keep in mind that I sincerely hope that I'm wrong about all of the movies mentioned in this post. I want them to all turn out to be decent cinema. But if past years are any indication, it's likely this will be the last time you see discussion of any of these titles on this blog.
Let's start with the obvious ones. "A Minecraft Movie" is coming from the director of "Napoleon Dynamite," with Jack Black and Jason Momoa. It looks garish and loud and aimed strictly at Gen Z and younger viewers. I will probably end up watching it multiple times because I have small children who love "Minecraft," just like "The Super Mario Bros. Movie" wormed its way into the regular rotation. Such is life. Also, Chris Miller is rebooting "The Smurfs" again for Paramount with Rihanna as Smurfette. This is supposed to be in a hybrid 2D/3D style that will look more like Peyo's work, but even if it does turn out well, my interest in the Smurfs ended when I was eight.
"Jurassic World Rebirth" has recruited Scarlett Johansson and Mahershala Ali to star, but the franchise has been on a downward trajectory for years, and I'm not holding my breath that Gareth Edwards will help this one reverse course. I have very mixed feelings toward "Snow White," which is directly adapting the 1937 Disney movie, so it gets to use all the familiar music and Disney-specific characters like Grumpy and Dopey. On the one hand, these live action Disney remakes are dependably terrible, and all the previews have looked bizarre. On the other hand, there are so many people involved here who I generally enjoy, I can't bring myself to root too hard against it - Rachel Zegler in particular deserves so much better.
Horror dependably delivers its share of stinkers. "Saw XI" is on its way in October, while "Five Nights at Freddy's 2" is taking its chances in December. Do we need Tommy Wirkola to make a shark movie? Well, we're getting one. Good luck to Phoebe Dynevor and Djimon Honsou in "Beneath the Storm." And I have no idea how this ended up on the slate, but a horror version of "Steamboat Willie" called "Screamboat" is due in February. The guy who plays Art the Clown in "Terrifier" is a credited screenwriter. With any luck it'll do more with the IP than Disney's doing with "Snow White," but I have no intention of confirming this myself. Twisted "Bambi" and "Peter Pan" movies are also on the way.
Faith-based projects continue to underwhelm. I generally try not to pick on media clearly not meant for me, but Zachary Levi headlining "The Unbreakable Boy" as the father of a kid with autism and brittle bone disease does not bode well. His career has not been great post- "Shazam," and this shift toward starring in Christian content may be permanent. Meanwhile, animated Christian features seem to be in vogue, with "David" and the Jesus-themed "Light of the World" on their way soon.
Netflix has emerged as a reliable source of shlock. Of course there are plenty of good movies on the platform, including a passel of prestige titles every fall. However, 2025 will also see the release of "Madea's Destination Wedding," "The Electric State" from the Russo brothers, and Adam Sandler in "Happy Gilmore 2." There's also somehow another "Witcher" movie on the way. I really feel for the poor fans of that franchise.
Finally, it's kinda nice to find that Paul W.S. Anderson and Mila Jovovich are still at it. Their latest action epic, "In the Lost Lands," will feature Dave Bautista in a big role and is based on a George R.R. Martin short story. I can't say I'm looking forward to this, but I wish them the best of luck.
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