I knew that "Uncharted" and "Morbius" were both very poorly reviewed films that nobody liked, and yet I still went ahead and watched them. They both typify the kind of formulaic, action-adventure blockbuster that gets past my defenses because they resemble movies I've liked in the past, and there are actors involved who I generally enjoy. In the case of "Uncharted," I was onboard for Tom Holland, and in the case of "Morbius," for Matt Smith and Jared Harris. And in both cases I came away from the films a little mad that I'd let myself be duped again.
I mean, look at "Uncharted." I have no knowledge of the video game series this was based on, but I knew that everyone wanted Nathan Fillion to play its hero, Nathan Drake, for the past twenty years, but the filmmakers couldn't get their act together in time for that to happen. Instead, they opted for a prequel with Holland playing a young Nathan Drake, being mentored by an older treasure hunter played by Mark Wahlberg. And good grief, Wahlberg is at his most absolutely insufferable here, in full toxic swaggering asshole mode. Wahlberg was originally supposed to play Drake, as I understand it, and I probably would have skipped "Uncharted" entirely if that had happened.
In short, the buddy comedy never works because Wahlberg is being such a killjoy the entire time. The generic female lead, played by newcomer Sophia Ali is constantly being sidelined and abandoned, and clearly the writers had no idea what to do with her. Antonio Banderas and Tati Gabrielle pop up a few times as the villains, because you have to have colorful villains in an "Indiana Jones" ripoff. And "Uncharted" is such an "Indiana Jones" ripoff, and a "Mummy" ripoff, and even a "National Treasure" ripoff. It's got a few decent action sequences, but the rest of the time it's just half-heartedly playing out the beats of a treasure hunt movie, while throwing out self-aware quips about being in a treasure hunt movie. The cynical attitude just kills it for me. I think Holland would actually be fine as the lead if the movie would ever let him just be the wide-eyed kid we know he can play, instead of making him awkwardly snark off against Wahlberg.
The "Uncharted" fans clearly aren't happy with the end result either. I've seen more than a few frustrated reviews pointing out that the Sandra Bullock rom-com adventure throwback, "The Lost City" is a better "Uncharted" movie than the "Uncharted" movie, because that one at least bothered to commit to the treasure hunting storyline. In short, the "Uncharted" movie fell victim to one of the classic perils of video game adaptations - they forgot why their intended audience liked this franchise in the first place. There was no need to broaden the appeal of a premise that already had a very broad appeal to begin with, and mess around with the DNA of a character that everybody already liked.
Now "Morbius" is a somewhat more forgivable misfire than "Uncharted," but it's still a misfire. I know even less about the source material here, except that this is a comics character from the Marvel universe that has ties to Spider-man. Jared Leto plays Michael Morbius, a genius with a rare blood disorder that keeps him sickly. In the pursuit of a cure, he accidentally turns himself into a vampire-like creature with bat-based powers. It feels a bit like his creator tried to out-Batman Batman, as Morbius has super strength, echolocation, feeds on blood, and can fly under certain circumstances. The villain is Morbius's foster brother Milo, played by Matt Smith, who suffers the same condition, and is less worried about the consequences of a potential cure.
There are some interesting bits and pieces here, mostly very underdeveloped as the film speedruns through Morbius's angsty mad doctor routine. I will give it due credit for being a horror movie first and a superhero movie second. All the action takes place at night, and some of the frightful visuals will keep small children at bay. Morbius looks absolutely ghastly in vampire mode, and he looks even worse when he's not. The film has the same aesthetics as the "Venom" movies, which it shares a universe with. There's a lot of blobby CGI flying around, lots of glowy colors, and comic-book flourishes. And like "Venom," it doesn't bother about having much of a story except the most basic beats borrowed from "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" and "Frankenstein."
In other circumstances, I could see "Morbius" working, but this film is too beholden to its franchise predecessors. It rushes through its origin story to set up a Sinister Six film. It trades in character moments for endless effects scenes of Morbius transforming into vampire or human form. Humor is scarce and heart is even scarcer. The movie even has the annoying habit of skipping ahead to payoffs and punchlines it never bothered to set up properly, and we have far too little time with some of the secondary characters like the mentor figure played by Jared Harris. It rankles all the more that this is a good cast, and director Daniel Espinoza has delivered good movies before. However, the film's problems run deep, and even a delay of nearly two years couldn't solve them.
---
No comments:
Post a Comment