Thursday, April 7, 2016

Fantasy Franchise Crossovers

Well, Sony's "Men in Black" and "21 Jump Street" crossover is officially going to happen.  This means it's time to start digging through the back catalogue of older, fading movie series and see what else we can combine to make a new Franken-franchise.  The picks below are mostly implausible, because I'm not paying any attention to which studio owns what property, and a couple of them are jumping genres and target audiences too.  But hey, what would be the fun if we didn't?

"Critters v. Tremors" - Horror long ago embraced the crossover, with the likes of "Freddy v. Jason" and "Alien v. Predator."  And there are a lot of ailing franchises past their prime, including "Halloween," "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre," "The Amityville Horror," "The Exorcist," "The Omen," and the quickly fading "Paranormal Activity" and "Saw."  "Cabin in the Woods" delivered pretty well on the idea of mixing several of these different monsters together, but the matchup that I always secretly wanted to see was an ultimate creature feature starring the carnivorous Tribbles from "Critters" and the Shai Hulud knockoffs from "Tremors."  Heck, throw in the Gremlins or the Killer Tomatoes too, while you're at it.

"GI Rambo" - Okay, Sylvester Stallone said no to a fifth "Rambo" movie, which means that it's time to consider a reboot.  And since we all loved John Rambo best when he was an over-the-top action figure, what better way than to reintroduce him in a movie literally starring action figures?  Rambo is totally a "G.I. Joe" character, with easily identifiable wardrobe and weapons choices.  Alternatively, since they share similar origin stories, Rambo could join the "A-Team" and become best buds with B.A. Baracus and Howling Mad Murdock.  Maybe John Rambo can finally get some peace of mind hanging around other Vietnam War vets fighting the good fight.  Add a "MacGyver" cameo and we're done.

"Ted and Chucky" - Clearly viewers liked the original "Ted" movie but didn't want to see the main characters doing essentially all the same dudebro schtick in "Ted 2."  So, let's let the living teddy bear jump genres and meet another kids' toy that came to life in the '80s, Chucky from the "Child's Play" movies.  Chucky's franchise got increasingly campy and quippy as time wore on, and I think his brand of humor would mesh well with the Seth McFarlane style.  Stick these two together in a "Ride Along" or "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles" type of scenario, and let them go nuts spoofing the horror genre.  Oh, and bonus points for any references to Talky Tina or that freaky clown doll from "Poltergeist."

"Home Alone With Zoolander" - The "Zoolander" brand is in dire straits after the recent "Zoolander No. 2" bombed.  It's time to shake up the formula, and everybody loves a home invasion movie, right?  This time, however, the "Home Alone" formula is also being turned on its head.  Instead of a smart kid outwitting idiot thieves, this time it's the idiot (or idiots if Hansel is coming along) repelling smart thieves, due to a combination of extraordinary luck and some well-deployed catwalking skills.  Maybe they try to rebuild the Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can’t Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too, unaware that there's a fortune hidden in the building. Maybe they hire the "Dumb and Dumber" guys as contractors.

"Terminator in the Matrix" - The machines take over the world in both of these franchises, so it's not too farfetched to suggest they might both be a part of the same universe.  And both of these franchises are in pretty bad shape, especially "Terminator," which can't seem to move on from "Terminator 2."  But move on we must.  So let's say that after John Conner and his resistance get put down, the machines build The Matrix a couple hundred years later.  That means if Arnold, or Danaerys Targaryen, or whoever travel in the opposite direction and go into the future this time instead of the past, they'll be able to help out Neo and his crew.  The prospect of a bullet time action sequence featuring Terminators sounds pretty good to me.  

Honorable mentions: "Pirates of the Caribbean Meet Jaws," "Shrek Goes to Madagascar,"  "Lethal Weapons Die Hard," "Austin Powers in Final Destination," "Conan the Barbarian Crocodile Hunter," "The Jackass Transformers," and "Spider-Man has a Hangover"

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