I used to be a media fan, meaning that I spent a good amount of time and attention on engaging with particular pieces of media. I went through distinct phases of being a Disney fan, a "Star Wars" fan, an "X-files" fan, a "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" fan, and an anime obsessive. I bought merchandise, read tie-in books, was actively engaged in the online fan communities, and even went to a convention or two. And it was a lot of fun.
And now, as a thirty-something adult, it's hard to think of any movie or television franchise that I could count myself a fan of in that sense. Oh sure, I still spend ridiculous amounts of time consuming media, but there are so many shows that I'm trying to keep up with, and so many movies, I don't devote much time to any one of them anymore. I barely rewatch any media, to the point where I realized recently that I haven't seen a rerun of any show in at least five years (more on that in another post). I don't bother buying any media, unless it's a gift for someone else. The only media-themed merchandise I've purchased recently have been Disney toys for various younger relatives. I had the oddest moment of disconnect when a friend sent me a couple pieces of "Firefly" paraphernalia as a Christmas present. How long ago was it that I was a "Firefly" fan?
I've always tangled with this issue to some extent. When I was younger, I used to call myself "panfannish" because I dabbled in a lot of different fandoms instead of devoting the majority of my time to one particular franchise, the way that a lot of other fans did. I was also a consummate nerd even among nerds. As an anime fan, I was rarely into the most popular shows like "Naruto," but older series or the oddball, artsy shows that were aimed at more niche audiences. And while I did like fanworks, I much preferred discussing and analyzing media. And that could be difficult, depending on the fandom, when discussions among fans in many communities often got derailed by shipping wars or behind-the-scenes drama. What I had the least interest in were toys, collectibles, clothing or really anything announcing to the world at large that I was a fan. I did try cosplay once - and that was enough to decide it wasn't for me.
I collected media for a little while, during the DVD era, but found that I rarely went back into my little collection to watch anything after a certain point. I was too busy taking Criterions home from the library, ten at a time, or trying figure out which streaming service was worth a subscription. A few months ago, I packed all of the DVDs away to make room for a new scanner, and I don't think that they'll be back out any time soon. To an outsider observer, there's almost no indication that I'm as well-versed in media as I am. There are only a few framed movie poster prints on my walls, mostly tucked out of the way. Among my friends, the close ones know that I'm a nerd, but there are only two or three who I discuss media with actively - the ones who are far bigger fans of various media than I am. And that's enough for me.
So I am, by most measures, an absolutely terrible fan. I don't spend money on my favorite franchises beyond a movie ticket or rental fee. I don't buy the merchandise, go to the events, or support fanworks. And lately, I don't watch the specific films and shows I like often enough to really obsess over their fine details. I only know the quotes and the memes once they become big in the popular culture. I can still rattle off a bunch of my favorite quotes from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," but I couldn't do the same for "Orphan Black" or "Rick and Morty." It's a little ironic that right around the time we started seeing media fandom become more mainstream is when I started checking out of it. I think I'll always be a media obsessive, but I don't fit the definition of a media fan.
Frankly, I don't particularly want to be a fan anymore. I just want to watch and enjoy the media.
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