Heaven help me. I'm doing this again. Twelve minutes to the madness!
5:00PM - Bye bye Nancy O'Dell. Good riddance.
Opening sequence features Leonard Nimoy as the "President of TV." I'd have gotten Henry Winkler. Good use of Kevin Nealon and Jeremy Piven, but the longer bits with "Big Bang" and "Man Men" couldn't have been over fast enough.
5:07PM - Jane Lynch sounds better live than in the taped segment.
5:10PM - Oh, poor Joel McHale. Don't get nominated for an Emmy, end up in the "Emmytones," announcing pool. Looks like they're also going with category specific montages this year. The guys who did the "Comedy" one (and it earned those quotation marks) should seriously reconsider their profession.
5:14PM - Jimmies Fallon and Kimmel have a good bit with mild homoeroticism and roughhousing. Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series goes to Julie Bowen from "Modern Family."
5:17PM - Julianna Marguiles is wearing a bedazzled toothpaste tube and appears to be heavily medicated. Ty Burrell from "Modern Family" gets the Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series award.
5:26PM - Jane Lynch gets to make a concession speech. Ricky Gervais! The gag with the censored pre-taped speech went on for exactly as long as it should have. You laugh, but I'm getting flashbacks to what FOX Kids did to "One Piece." Outstanding Directing in a Comedy Series goes to Michael Allen Spiller for "Modern Family."
5:30PM - Outstanding Writing for a Comedy Series is being presented by Will Arnettt and Zooey Deschanel. Good luck with the new sitcoms guys. Steven Levitan and Jeffrey Richman win for "Modern Family." This evening is getting terribly predictable. Are the drama categories up soon? Variety shows? Miniseries? Something "Modern Family" isn't nominated for?
5:34PM - "You won't believe who's on the Emmy stage next!" Maybe you shouldn't have shown us that shot of Charlie Sheen adjusting his tie right before cutting to commercial.
5:39PM - "Welcome back to the 'Modern Family' awards!" Jane Lynch can't seem to decide between abrasive and charming, so she's going for obvious.
5:41PM - Uh oh. Charlie Sheen's having a moment.
5:42PM - Oh good. It didn't last. Onward!
5:42PM - Jim Parsons wins Outstanding Lead Actor again for "The Big Bang Theory."
5:43PM - Sofia Vergara and Rob Lowe present for Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series. Amy Poehler doesn't wait for the winner to be called, and heads for the stage. Ooh, she may have started something. There goes Melissa McCarthy. And Martha Plimpton.
Please tell me this wasn't planned. That would make it even more awesome.
Melissa McCarthy wins! Group hug! And a tiara and roses materialize. Yup, it was planned. Still pretty awesome.
5:50PM - I am fixing typos.
5:54PM - I'm not sure what this "Office" sketch is about, but it was nice to see Aaron Paul and John Slattery. Okay, and Cee-Lo and his chair from "The Voice" was cute. Ashton Kutcher gag was obvious, but well done.
5:57PM - Reality/Variety montage time. Wonder why the Kennedy Center Honors and the Oscars didn't warrant identification.
6:01PM - Why a David Spade and Kelly Cuoco pairing for Best Reality Program presenters? Oh well. "Amazing Race" wins, after "Top Chef" ended its last streak last year. How long will they hang on to the title this time?
6:04PM - I always love the Outstanding Writing for a Variety, Music, or Comedy Special nominees. "Daily Show" writers on Newsweek covers! Jimmy Fallon writers as puppies! A peek into the writers' rooms of "Colbert" and "Conan"! "Daily Show" wins. Speech amusing and also brief. Best kind of Emmy victory.
6:12PM - Lonely Island and Michale Bolton take the stage to start off an "SNL" nominated song medley. Why are they wiggling their genitalia at William H. Macey? Forget it. I don't want to know.
6:16PM - Had to Google Ian Somerhalder, which confirms I'm old. He and Lea Michele present Best Directing for a Variety, Music, or Comedy Special to Don Hall for "SNL." Guy is dripping with class. Wow.
6:18PM - Either Anna Paquin is very tall or Scott Caan is very short. Outstanding Variety, Music, or Comedy Special goes to "The Daily Show" for the ninth time. Fallon's mugging, and it's adorable.
6:26PM - Yay! Drama montage! I'm starting to appreciate these just for the clips of shows that wouldn't get nominated in a million years otherwise.
6:29PM - John Cryer and Ashton Kutcher present Outstanding Writing in a Drama Series. Emmy goes to - "Friday Night Light"?! Is this the beginning of an upset, or just a fluke? And will this be the only time we'll every here someone thank DirecTV in an Emmy speech this evening?
6:31PM - Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series goes to Margo Martindale for "Justified." Someone help that woman up the stairs! I love it when normally under-the-radar character actors get these moments. I have heard very good things.
We're at the halfway point. Continuing in second post.